tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9649732579221441592024-02-08T10:25:09.541-08:00The Survivor's HandbookAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11609262581227109033noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-964973257922144159.post-73021536177675107422014-02-27T10:49:00.000-08:002014-02-27T10:49:30.444-08:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Resiliency and Self-Respect Knows No
Bounds</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #674ea7;">
</span><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #674ea7;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span> “Anything
can happen to anybody at any time. But it’s what you do with the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">anything</i> that makes the difference.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was the message I gave when speaking to a
group of high school students recently. They were amazed by my story and many
questions were asked. But the two questions which kept coming up were, “What
kept you going?” and “What kept you from giving up?” </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #674ea7;"> <span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I
have reflected on these very questions over the past 17 years, and I recognize
that there are many tools in my Survivor’s tool kit which I call upon daily to
keep me on track, and keep these fake feet moving forward. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And believe me; I use more than one of my
tools every day.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have used time as a tool; time to grieve
my losses, and time to heal from them. I have used distance from the events
which have taken my life from me, stirred it all up, and dumped it out. And I
have used the tool of choice; the choice of picking up the pieces, putting
myself back together, and redefining who I am.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span> But
one of my biggest tools—one of my biggest “guns”—is resiliency. The ability to
bounce back no matter the circumstances is in part driven by my genetic
make-up, pure unadulterated </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">stubbornness. The other part comes from a much
deeper place, a place of respect, of self-respect. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have been watching the Olympics lately—and
watching and watching. You could call me a fan, a groupie, addicted, and you
would get no argument here. I love the Olympic winter sports. There’s something
about watching men and women fling themselves down a mountain, or speeding at
80 MPH on solid ice with nothing between them and the ice, but a glorified
piece of fiber glass that excites and entertains me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But what I like watching and hearing about the
most are the back stories of the athletes themselves.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11609262581227109033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-964973257922144159.post-8660221461823720812013-07-24T12:35:00.000-07:002013-07-24T14:29:55.654-07:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">Question Authority</span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">(or anyone else who
has the answer)</span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"> My husband Michael
was a hard hitting hippy—a Crested Butte (a small Colorado mountain town) living,
free love professing, vegetarian. He had a full beard and long hair and lived
out of his truck for a time. That was before I met him, and after he left
Crested Butte.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"> When we did meet,
he had a full time job, neatly trimmed hair and beard, and the best blue eyes
I’d ever seen. I thought he was beautiful.
He entertained me with adventures from his “early” days in Crested
Butte, his spirit singing to the part of mine which longed to be whimsical and
free. But most of me was entrenched in
middle class values, and a Protestant Work Ethic that would have made Martin Luther
proud. Michael loved tofu, and I loved steak, but somehow our relationship was
lovely and easy, and it worked.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Michael drove a
blue Toyota pickup, with a prism hanging on a string tied around his review mirror.
He often burned incense in the cab of his truck to headache producing
quantities, and there was a bumper sticker on the back of his truck (along with
the Grateful Dead skull with top hat and dancing bears) which stated “Question Authority.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Although never a
fan, the Grateful Dead stickers didn’t bother me. But the “Question Authority,”
did not sing to my Middle America values.
I was raised to not question authority of any kind. Michael questioned
everything. And I eventually learned that it is always better to know—to be
informed—than to be clueless, left in the dark, ill-prepared for the inevitable. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Michael was an honest guy…so honest that at
times his truths left my face blazing red. He had no sense of decorum
whatsoever. The top of my embarrassment meter was often reached. He used to
tell me, “if you don’t want to know the answer to the question, don’t ask the
question,” (I never asked him if my rear end looked big in a certain outfit…
didn’t want to know the answer to <i>that</i>
question.).</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"> I weighed his
words carefully—considered each consonant, rolled around each vowel on my tongue— and still do especially
now, dealing with two teen-aged boys. As it turns out, I agree with the whole
question authority thing. And believe me; I have heard answers I wished I would
have never heard... and most of the time those answers are not coming from the
teen agers.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Michael’s last appointment with the Oncologist
was something I will never forget. I could see that my husband was quickly
declining, that the cancer was racing on at life taking speed. But Michael,
always believing that he would beat this disease, did not want to accept that
he was dying. I needed Michael to come to terms with his own decline. I needed
him to break the denial, and recognize that he was not winning the battle with
cancer. I needed him to tell our children that he was dying. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"> I questioned
authority that day. I asked the doctor point blank if Michael was going to
survive this cancer, if he was going to beat it. I did not want to know the
answer to this question, and yet I had to ask it. The answer was “no.” The doctor then told Michael that he needed to
go home and tell our children that he was not going to make it. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Michael’s father
was with us for this appointment. I told them to go ahead and go to the car, as
I needed to take care of something first. After they left the office, I found
the doctor and asked him the next hard question—again a question I didn’t want
to know the answer to—“How long does he have?” </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Michael died a
week later.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"> If I hadn’t asked
those hard questions, I would have never been prepared for his death. Our
children would have not been told, thinking that their dad would be okay, and
then feeling betrayed when he died. Because of the questions asked, we were
prepared. We didn’t get the answers we wanted, but we had to hear the answers
anyway.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"> It is those
questions, the ones whose answers you don’t want to hear, which could be the
ones to save your life, or help your child, or take care of a parent. If we go
into the future blinded by our own denial, or fearful of the answer, we may
miss opportunities to be prepared, say good-bye, or get the information we need
to make good informed decisions. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Survivors
understand that asking the hard questions brings necessary information. Survivors know that even though they may not want
to know the answer, they still ask the question. Survivors realize that you
don’t have to be a hard hitting hippy to “Question Authority.”</span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11609262581227109033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-964973257922144159.post-6275921903434611112013-06-10T09:35:00.000-07:002013-06-10T09:35:44.632-07:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; line-height: 115%;">Purpose:
Do You Have One?</span></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; line-height: 115%;">“The Purpose of life, is a life of purpose”</span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; line-height: 115%;"><span> <span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: small;">Robert Bryne</span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; line-height: 115%;"> <span style="color: blue;"> I
have travelled through my life looking for a cause, a reason, a purpose. I
wanted to feel like I had contributed, given of myself, aided in the sculpting
of humanity. My sister, a child of the 60’s, was always in the grand mix of
things; protesting the Vietnam war, listening to “radical” thinkers like Cesar
Chavez, and the dreaded (at least in my household) Reyes Tijarena.<span> </span>She played the musical soundtrack from “Hair”
on our stereo, and when the song “Masturbation” echoed through our living room,
my mother came undone, stuttering and sputtering and sweeping me, the baby of
the family, from the room.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: blue;"> I was on the cusp of it all. There, but not quite
there. But I got it. Being an activist, fighting for a cause…having a purpose
was what I wanted.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; line-height: 115%;"> When
I was in the hospital, many years later, I had a lot of time to think—lying in
a bed 24/7 provides that kind of opportunity. Figuring out what had happened to
me, why it happened, and to what purpose captivated me. I knew that finding the
reason—the purpose— for my illness and subsequent disability was paramount to
not only my physical healing, but more specifically, my spiritual healing. </span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; line-height: 115%;"> After
getting out of the hospital, I began my quest for purpose. I started a support
group for amputees. I worked on and helped pass legislation in the state of
Colorado, which requires health insurance companies to provide coverage for
prosthetic limbs. I talked to business owners about better access for people
with disabilities. I did peer visits with people who were surviving limb loss. But,
I had yet to find my purpose.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; line-height: 115%;"> Two
years into my recovery, I found my purpose…well some of it anyway. My husband,
Michael, was diagnosed with cancer. After his twenty month battle with this
invisible monster, and after giving everything he had to try to beat it, the
cancer took his life. I was left with a new identity— a triple amputee single
mom of two small boys. Had I found my purpose? Was raising my children, by
myself in a disabled body my purpose? Well, maybe in part. </span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; line-height: 115%;"> What
I have come to find about myself is pretty simple. I was born with purpose; just
like everyone else in this world. How I define and develop that purpose is
totally up to me. Do life experiences help to hone the definition? <span> </span>Of course they do. But the development is
strictly up to me. I have always wanted my life to count, to make a statement,
and be remembered. Do I do that by finding a purpose, a cause, something to
sculpt?</span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; line-height: 115%;"> I
don’t know if I will ever discover my purpose en total, but I am hopeful that
it will be revealed to me at the end, as the Divine clears up all the other
mysteries of my life—it shouldn’t take long, I’m not that complicated. </span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; line-height: 115%;"> I
have found, however, that even having some purpose (whatever that may be) to
hold onto—when my life twists and turns and leads me into the sewer instead of
the garden— keeps me focused and moving forward. Without it, I would be lost
wandering through foul smelling waste. And as I continue in search of my
garden, I will focus on the part of my purpose I know. I will continue to raise
my children to become fine young men. I will continue to speak out for those
who believe they have no voice, to work effortlessly for those who feel
disenfranchised, marginalized, and who have no home.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; line-height: 115%;"> Everyone
has a purpose, but Survivors<i> realize</i>
it. It may not be clearly defined, but having a clear definition is not what
it’s all about. <span> </span>Finding purpose—even in
its incompleteness, or without a clear cut definition—provides many opportunities
to figure out where your garden lies. Taking others along with you to your
garden could very well be your purpose. </span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
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<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; line-height: 115%;">I
agree with Bryne. In order to find purpose for your life, you must (first) live
your life with purpose. </span></span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11609262581227109033noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-964973257922144159.post-77103850827551879132013-01-08T12:23:00.000-08:002013-01-08T12:23:29.156-08:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Open </span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue;"><b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">“It is only
when you open yourself to others, </span></span></b></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></b></span><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue;"><b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">that you
will find the truth which lies within you.” </span></span></b></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><b><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></b></span><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue;"><b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span>
</span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;">Cindy Charlton</span></span></b></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span>
</span>Going to Physical rehab was terrifying.<span>
</span>But getting to rehab via transportation in a van equipped for people
with wheelchairs was a stunner.<span> </span>I had
entered the hospital on February 15<sup>th</sup>, with all my limbs intact. I
exited the hospital on May 20<sup>th</sup>, with one remaining limb. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span>I was now leaving the world I had come to know,
transported in a van equipped to move me in a wheelchair…my wheelchair. I had
been outside one time during my three month stay in the hospital. My first
wheelchair outing left me spent, and in pain. The trip to the rehab facility was
exhausting, and excruciating both physically and emotionally. I dreaded the
thought that this was going to be my “new normal,” my new life. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span>
</span><span> </span>I was feeling pretty low and
pretty darn sorry for myself by the time I arrived at my destination. Meeting
my Physical therapist and the other members of my rehab team did not lend
comfort to me either. While I was in the hospital, I was rarely left alone. I
was completely coddled by my caregivers. Every need, want, and desire was met.
I knew the doctors, nurses, and even the ladies who came in to clean my room. I
knew what to expect every moment of every day. My days looked very different
now that I was in rehab.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span><span> </span>The
expectation was that I would spend very little time in bed, getting used to
being in a wheelchair, and working on doing things for myself. I had entered
into a different arena where coddling and being taken care of were no longer a
part. The tasks which I was expected to accomplish were daunting.<span> </span>My unwanted new identity—a wheelchair bound triple
amputee—began to sink in. “Devastation” didn’t even begin to cover how I felt. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span><span> </span>And
then something earth shaking occurred. I met some of the other patients. A
young man—a boy really—seventeen years old, suffered a severe head and neck
injury while playing in a football game, was in the room next to mine. I could
hear his parents weeping at his bedside. He would never be able to move his
body again.<span> </span>A young <span> </span>man, who was in a bar fight in Mexico, and didn’t
get to a hospital in time, suffered such traumatic brain injuries that he would
never walk again and had the intellect of a six year-old child…on good days. I
saw his parents weeping in the hall outside of his room. A beautiful teenage
girl, from the South, in a “constant vegetative state,” had been in a
devastating car accident the night of her 17<sup>th</sup> birthday. Her mother shook
with grief as she told me that her child spent her 18<sup>th</sup> birthday in
a coma. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span>Tremor after tremor shook me, as the stories
mounted. When my world settled, a new revelation had formed. I recognized that
opening my heart to the experience of others’ pain gave me a whole different
perspective of my own. What I had to feel sorry about was miniscule in
comparison.<span> </span>As I offered a shoulder, a
listening ear, and a word or two of encouragement, my own struggles diminished
in their perceived severity. I began to heal myself by simply opening my heart
to those around me. I soon realized that listening with my heart affected my
hearing…it began to get better.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span>I often wonder
what has happened to the people I met in rehab. I wonder how their families
have managed to get through their struggles. I hope that I helped in some way,
by simply listening to their fears and strife. I also know that I could never
have helped them as much as they helped me.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> I left rehab standing on my own new
feet. I left knowing that my life, although unexpectedly altered, would be
better and richer for having met these people. I left rehab open to all
possibilities, open to the fact that I had an amazing life ahead of me. I left
with an open heart, knowing that there will always be someone who needs a
shoulder to lean on, or an ear to listen. I left knowing that my hearing would
continue to get better and better and better.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> Being open is a
necessary tool in the Survivor’s tool kit. Allowing ourselves to remain open
enables us to recognize our own possibilities. It allows us to help others,
which leads to bigger hearts, and better hearing.<span><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11609262581227109033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-964973257922144159.post-80781694520513384522012-08-20T05:56:00.000-07:002012-08-20T08:30:28.074-07:00<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">NEVER </span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">(</span>Give
Up)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Perseverance
is a great element of success.</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you knock long enough and loud enough at
the gate, </span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">you are sure
to wake up somebody.<br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Henry Wadsworth Longfellow</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I don’t know about you, but I cannot remember a 24 hour period of time,
when everything went perfectly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even
though there are more days than not, when I get out of bed with a whisper of
hope on my lips, or even a loud proclamation about the gloriousness of the day;
it never goes perfectly. There are always challenges, obstacles, or some other
sort of interference to deal with or resolve. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember one such day, when everything that
could go wrong went wrong. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I was the room mom for my son, Colin’s, fifth grade class.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was the morning of the end of the semester
holiday party. Colin and I were loading bags of porcelain cups filled with
candies, teachers’ gifts, and food and games for the party scheduled for that afternoon,
into our car.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After the third trip from
the house to my car, I started one last time to go back into the house for my
purse and keys.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Upon turning on my
prosthetic leg, I found myself falling forward and landing on my very cold
cement driveway.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I rolled onto my side and sat up like a seasoned pro linebacker hardly
realizing I was down, and spotted the lower half of my prosthesis with my foot
attached, three feet away from the rest of me. Colin was terrified that I had
hurt myself, and he was on the verge of tears. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I assured him that I was fine, and instructed
him to get the Secretary’s chair out of my home office. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The words of my Physical Rehab doctor, “Cindy you will need to make
friends with your wheelchair,” were swimming around in my head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i>
made friends with my wheelchair, and in fact two years after becoming a
bi-lateral below the knee amputee, I donated my wheelchair to an organization
that was in desperate need of one. My office chair had to suffice.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>With Colin and my neighbor’s help, I got into the chair, was pushed to
my car, and transferred myself into the seat right behind the steering wheel. Luckily,
it was my left foot that broke, and it was proudly sitting on the passenger
seat right next to me. My right foot was securely in place exactly where it
belonged, at the end of my right prosthetic leg working the gas and brake
pedals. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We made it to school in plenty
of time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After arriving, I asked Colin
to go get his teacher, and have her come help unload our car. I saw a friend in
the parking lot, and waved her over. She and Colin’s teacher arrived at my car
window at about the same time.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Can you help take some bags into the school?” I asked. “I broke my foot
this morning and can’t get out of the car.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They looked both shocked and concerned, but
after sweeping my arm across the passenger seat pointing to my foot, Vanna
White style, they began to laugh. “Oh my gosh, Cindy,” my friend said, “I
forgot that you don’t have real feet.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We all laughed and agreed it could have been worse... a real broken
foot. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I called my prosthetist, Chris, on my cell
phone, and left a message explaining my predicament. I wondered if he could fix
my leg quickly and easily. I started the engine to begin the trek to Chris’s
office, in downtown Denver. When I turned my key, I found that I was “riding on
empty.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rolling my eyes, and shaking my
head, I wondered if this day, which had just barely started, could get much
worse. I then remembered that there was a service station only a few blocks
from the school. There was an auto repair garage attached to the station, and
hoped that someone would be there to pump gas for me. It was still early in the
morning. Most places had not yet opened.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I drove into the station and up to the garage doors. The doors were
closed, but I could see people moving around inside the garage. I began to honk
my horn. As I waited for a warm body to emerge, I tried to reach Chris again.
Bingo! I got him on the second ring. He could not believe what had happened.
After assuring him that my left foot was indeed my passenger, he told me to
come to his office as soon as I could get there, and to call him on my cell
phone when I arrived. He would meet me at my car. And good news, he could fix
my leg. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Finally, after several toots of the horn, a grouchy looking guy came out
of the garage, obviously not thrilled to have been beckoned in such a rude
manner. I rolled down my window, and began to explain that I had broken my foot
earlier that morning and needed his assistance at the gas pump. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“You broke your foot?” As he looked into my car, I once again swept my
arm across my seat where my left foot sat. He looked down at my legs, and
literally laughed out loud, “Well there’s somethin’ ya don’t see every day.” He
pumped my gas, while chuckling to himself and shaking his head.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On
my way to Chris’s office, I was listening to the radio and heard something that
I felt compelled to impart to a friend of mine, immediately. I called him and
during our two minute conversation, my phone died. I was out of battery power.
I wondered how I was going to let Chris know when I arrived.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As I turned into the parking lot by Chris’s office, he came out.
Fortunately he had been watching for me. He took my foot and the rest of my
left leg into his office. Ten minutes later he emerged with my left leg—foot intact.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I put on my leg, and hopped out of the car.
He tweaked my alignment a bit, as I walked around the parking lot. I left his
office and drove straight for the grocery store to stock up on groceries
readying myself and my family for the ensuing snow storm, predicted to start
the next day.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>After unloading the groceries and putting them away I sat down at my
kitchen table, with a cup of coffee. I looked up at the clock, and began
laughing. It was not yet ten o’clock. I could not believe all the events that
had unfolded in such a short amount of time. But even more astounding was that
any part of my morning could have been catastrophic. Had I given up at any
point as each obstacle presented itself, I would have never been able to find
the help I needed to get me back up on both feet. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Sometimes it’s the NEVER giving up, the perseverance which brings about
success. When you knock long and loud enough, the person you awaken could very
well be the survivor within you.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #8e7cc3; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And by the way, I made it to the
5<sup>th</sup> grade Holiday party that afternoon.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11609262581227109033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-964973257922144159.post-82360761861213851972012-07-04T17:51:00.000-07:002012-07-04T17:53:20.793-07:00<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Miraculous Life</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"> It has been eleven years since my husband, Michael, died. On July 4<sup>th</sup>, 2001, my beautiful man left this earth to the booming
magnificent accompaniment of fireworks. He always loved the 4<sup>th</sup> of
July, often proclaiming that it and Valentine’s Day were his favorite holidays.
Fireworks and romance…I was one lucky woman!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"> I remember the moment we got the news that Michael had
cancer. The intense clarity is something to behold from a woman who most days
cannot remember much of the previous ones.
I recall what everyone said, the clothes we were wearing, and the
intense burning nausea which rendered me weak when strength was required and
useless when help was so needed. All I could think was “why?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"> I honestly believed that after all I had been through,
living through a death sentence, losing my limbs, and having to find a new “me”
in the midst of disabilities; I had proven myself a survivor. Had I not come
out of the darkness with my head held high, promising to be the best person I
could possibly be? Had I not personally sacrificed enough to spare the people I
loved? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"> I had been told that I was a living miracle, that I had
overcome my Dr.’s proclamation of “no hope.” So, why, after pulling through, dodging
the big guns, did my beloved husband have to bear his own prognosis of no
hope? And yet, there we were sitting in
the Dr.’s office, eyes downcast, shaking our heads in disbelief. We were
dealing with another low blow…this one lower than I could have ever imagined.
The thought of life without Michael destroyed my sense of natural order. What
happened to growing old together and gently fading away after a long fulfilling
life?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"> Michael’s diagnosis sent me into an emotional cyclone. My emotions
were whirling around me so intensely and so quickly, that I couldn’t breathe let
alone think. But he needed an anchor. It was my turn to help him weather this
storm, as he had helped me just a few years earlier. I choked back the tears,
planted my fake feet on solid ground, and prayed for another miracle. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"> Michael and I began
to talk about what had happened to us over the past few years. We even chuckled
in disbelief…the irony of our situation. One life spared—another life
taken….tit for tat? But when we discussed our circumstances seriously,
desperately trying to make sense of it all, we concluded that we were paying
our dues to spare our children. By taking on our own personal natural disasters—all
that we had weathered thus far, we believed our children would be unscathed by
the world of disease. I have to admit that our magical thinking got us through
a multitude of storms.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"> It took me awhile, after Michael’s death, to learn how to
breathe again. I sought out my survivor
self, my children in tow, and emerged from the inferno of despair. It was then
when I began to realize how miraculous my life truly was. Had I died, my children
would have to grow up without parents…no one to love them like I could. It was my children who promoted my healing,
and who demanded my full attention. It was their miraculous lives which brought
me back to the land of the living.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"> Through the years I have come to understand that in spite of
what curses us or blesses us, we are all miraculous. Recognition of that knowledge
provides the foundation for breathing when life sucks the air out of us. When you believe in the miracle of your own
life, it is impossible to be disparaging of your living. When you believe in the miracle of your own
life, living becomes purposeful and your own diagnosis of “no hope” becomes
non-existent.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"> Believing in your own miraculous life is essential to the
survivor within you. When you acknowledge
that amazing miracle in front of you, your own reflection in the mirror each
morning, you are assured an amazing day…a day worthy of a miracle!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11609262581227109033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-964973257922144159.post-55880369707042426512012-06-04T16:21:00.000-07:002012-06-04T16:21:38.197-07:00<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Lifelines</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> I was
standing in the middle of a field with my husband and two little boys. It was a
gloriously warm autumn day, and we were surrounded by pumpkins which were
graciously sacrificing themselves to become our Jack-O-Lanterns. My boys were energetically discussing the
pros and cons of every pumpkin within eye sight. I was caught up in this magical moment, as I
watched my two precious children in their animated discussion of these enormous
gourds. The enthusiasm of their living brought on an unexpected and spontaneous
eruption of emotion in me. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> It had been
less than a year before that I had been battling for my own life, having
survived a deadly form of a Strep A bacterial infection, commonly known as “the
flesh eating bacteria.” Understanding how privileged and how blessed I was to
be able to witness my children’s laughter brought me to tears. As I bent down
to look at the orange globes of their affection, I heard someone calling my
name.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> “Cindy…Cindy,”
I heard my name wafting over the hundreds of people collected in this field
with the same intent as my own. I looked
up and saw a beautiful blonde woman, arms outstretched, smile beaming lighting
up her flawless face, bounding over dozens of pumpkins in the effort of
reaching me. She embraced me with such
enthusiasm that she nearly knocked me off my feet. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> I was
standing on uneven ground, and knocking me down was a much easier proposition
than my trying to keep upright. The bacterial infection which almost took my
life, managed instead to take parts of me. The lower portions of my legs, my
right hand, and the left half of my chest had all fallen victim to this
devastating illness. Still a bit shaky on the fake feet at the end of my
prosthetic legs, I managed to keep my balance and remained standing.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> I hugged my
beautiful beckoner, Arlis, with all my might, not sure if I was ready to let
her go. She was one of my nurses, and was the one who took care of me the night
I came to her Intensive Care Unit on the Flight for Life helicopter. She stayed
with me for twelve solid hours that first night of my arrival, only leaving me
when she absolutely had to do something outside of my room.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> “Oh Cindy, I
can’t believe it’s you! You look great.” Both of us were bawling at our
unforeseen yet fortuitous reunion. “This
is a true miracle,” she began, “I was so scared that night you came into the
ICU. Everyone had done what they could for you, and in fact the doctors were
giving you a less than one percent chance to make it through that night. But ya
know what, Cindy; I could feel your fight. Your will to live was palpable. I
wasn’t about to let you die...not on my watch.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> We dried our
tears, quickly caught up on each others' lives, and made promises to stay in
touch, before my two little pumpkin procurers were ready to leave the pumpkin
patch. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> On the way home, I began to think about Arils’s
words. I thought about how I had survived a death sentence, and began to
understand how I beat the odds. The reasons were sitting in this very car with
me. Three men, two under the age of four and a half had thrown me a life line.
They were the ones pulling me out of the darkness and back to them—back into
the light of their lives... of all of our lives. It was my guys, my two little boys and my
husband, who provided me the impetus...the will to not give up. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> My two
little lifelines, in flesh and blood, were clutching their pumpkins, and
singing spooky Halloween music at the top of their lungs. The other was humming
along driving the car.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> Lifelines
are necessary tools in the Survivor’s tool kit. Knowing who or what that
lifeline(s) is, is invaluable knowledge. Your lifelines can come in all shapes,
sizes, and forms. It matters not what
you choose (or what chooses you) to be your lifeline. What matters is that you have one, recognize
it, and allow it to pull you out of the darkness, and into the light.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11609262581227109033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-964973257922144159.post-47952085663857184512012-05-03T09:43:00.000-07:002012-05-03T09:43:15.080-07:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Kindly Be Kind</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">“Kindness is
the act or the state of being kind, being marked by good and charitable
behavior, pleasant disposition, and concern for others.”</span></span><span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span> </span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Wikipedia, a free dictionary</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> I was most
likely in the middle of a diatribe; dissing someone who, at the moment, had
fallen into my disfavor. My moaning and groaning was apparently assaulting my
dad’s ears. He sighed, put down the paper, and looked at me with disappointment
and sadness.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> I would have rather been smacked than to have incurred one of Dad’s
disapproving glances.“You know,”
he began, “when someone tells you that you’re kind, it is the best compliment
you can ever hope to get.” He picked up his paper and continued reading.<span> </span>Bull’s-eye!<span>
</span>His words, although sparse, hit exactly where he had intended…right on
my heart. The message was clear; “Would it hurt you to be kind?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> My father
was a wise man. He often likened himself to the immortal cowboy philosopher and
humorist, Will Rogers. Using Roger’s own words, my father would exclaim, “I’ve
never met a man (person) I didn’t like.” My dad meant every word.<span> </span>I tried at the age of 15 to embrace that
philosophy too. But it wasn’t easy for me.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> I don’t ever
recall my dad being unkind or critical of himself or others. <span> </span>He took people at face value, and he got
burned once in awhile.<span> </span>But when he did,
he did not berate himself for being unwise or naive. He just assumed that the
person who had burned him did so out of necessity, not out of malice. It never
occurred to him that people just plain chose to be unkind.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> As I think
about my dad’s words of wisdom, I know that by virtue, he was a kind gentle man,
with a pleasant disposition. He was charitable in his deeds as well as in his
words. He was the man whom many came to for many things. He played with the
neighborhood kids, he loaned money as well as advice. He had many friends of
his own, and was highly respected in our community. <span> </span>One of the elderly ladies in my home town told
me that my dad’s funeral was one of the “best attended” of any funeral she had
ever been to—high praise from a regular funeral attendee.<span> </span>No doubt that it was true, as my father
“never met a person he didn’t like.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> As I have
become older, and hopefully wiser, I have come to realize that kindness begins
at home, with the very person who needs it the most…you. But it’s hard to be kind when you are your
own worst critic. In my own life, I have
found that in order to be genuinely kind to others, it is imperative to be kind
to myself.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> I also know
that there are benefits to being kind.<span> </span>I
find when I look at myself, as well as others, through kind non-critical eyes,
my heart rate remains calm, my blood pressure doesn’t rise, and I obtain a
sense of well being. I smile more often than not, and value my life and others’
a little more.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span>When I look at myself in
the mirror, I try not to see the wrinkles and the double chin. I rest upon my
eyes mostly, and acknowledge the kindness in them.<span> </span>And when other people don’t act or say the
things that I would do or say, I try hard not to judge. I believe, like my
father, that most people behave the way they do out of necessity.<span> </span><span> </span></span></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> The
physiological effects of kindness are valuable to a survivor. The philosophical
awareness of kindness is equally as valuable.<span>
</span>Kindness is a choice. It is a state of mind. It is far better to handle
difficult people and situations through kindness, because when you have a sense
of well being—a nice steady heart beat, and a cool head—those situations are
more easily solved. That “difficult” person may just turn into someone you
actually like. Pretty soon you may even become a Will Rogers, or a Claude
Charlton--”never<span> </span>met a person…” </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;">
<br /></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11609262581227109033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-964973257922144159.post-88110764771270610892012-03-05T15:10:00.001-08:002012-03-05T18:45:06.319-08:00<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="body">Unlock the Joy</span></span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span class="body">Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.</span> <br />
<span class="bodybold">Helen Keller</span></span> </div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> Joy is the spirit warmer. It’s the rumble of a finely tuned engine, the purr of the contented soul. Joy and happiness are true companions. Joy sparks the celebration of happiness, which overtly erupts, often with varying degrees of magnitude. Joy, on the other hand can be quiet. It is the inner-workings of contentment—a completeness of soul. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> I was speaking at a seminar awhile ago about my experiences with a devastating illness, followed by my beloved husband, Michael’s, death. I was addressing the fact that in spite of my losses, I valued my life, and found joy in my living.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> After I was through speaking I engaged in a Q &A session with the audience. A question was asked that gave me a little pause, and has fueled my introspection and self evaluation of “joy” ever since. The question was, “Were you born with your glass half full?” My honest answer was and still is, “Yes.” The questioner looked at me with an “I thought as much” smug expression. At the risk of filling the remainder of the hour with a fundamental discussion on the ups and downs of partially filled glasses, I let the “Q” and the “A” hang in the air.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> I left that meeting contemplating on the whole “glass half full/half empty” concept. Was that why I was able to withstand all the trauma and tragedy which claimed my life for ten years? Is that why I can live with the fallout from those events with relative ease, just because of a half filled glass? And what about others who consider their “glass half empty?” Could they have endured what I have endured, and come out of it as I have? My honest answer was and still is “yes!”</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> The prime example, at least in my mind is Helen Keller. When Helen Keller was less than two years old, she contracted an illness which left her profoundly deaf, and completely blind. She had not yet learned to speak, and consequently had no language skills. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> From the time she was 19 months old, Helen Keller existed in a sightless, soundless world. She merely existed until someone provided her the key to unlock the gate of the world in which she lived. And just like everyone else in this world, she held the key to her own happiness. She found the joy in her being, in her soul. I don’t believe that she was taught how to be joyful. I believe, like any emotion, it was innate to her humanity. Was <i>she</i> born with her “glass half full?”</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> The fact of the matter is this. It has never been as difficult for me to connect with my joyous spirit, as it has been for some people, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t have one. Sometimes you have to search for the key to unlock the joy which resides deep in your soul. Sometimes it’s merely the willingness to look for the key which enables you to feel the joy inside of you.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> Joy is a necessary tool for the survivor’s toolbox. Without allowing your joy to emerge, the happiness you experience is short lived, and hard to come by. Without joy, the sunrises and sunsets are simply the movement of objects in space...there is no peace or beauty associated with them. There is no jumping to your feet in applause, or a melting of your heart by a smile. Joy counterbalances the “sad” and the “hard.” It is the substance that makes you glad to wake up each morning.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> <span style="color: blue;"> I agree with Helen Keller. Joy is the antidote to despair. When you find the key and allow yourself to unlock your joy, “…</span><span class="body" style="color: blue;">your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.” And your soul will purr like a finely tuned engine.</span><span style="color: blue;"> </span><br style="color: blue;" /> <br style="color: blue;" /> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">Intestinal fortitude</span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: large;"><span> <span style="color: blue;"> </span></span><span style="color: blue;">When I was in Jr. High, I had a choir director who, upon wanting more volume and a fuller richer sound would instruct, “come on girls, dig deep…give it everything you’ve got!” His arm would rise up in the air shaking at the apex of the crescendo, as if he could raise our voices with his arm, shaking the sound out of us with the intensity of his hand. He would raise his voice with his arm, “use your… “. At the risk of offending our sweet young ears, he would refrain from saying the word “guts,” and rely instead on his choice phrase, “intestinal fortitude.” I came to understand that intestinal fortitude was something you had to dig deep within yourself to find, especially when you had to “sing” full on and raise your volume.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span> </span>I have been one of those lucky people, who has had no problem with raising my volume, or singing full on when the opportunity to do so arises. But when I found myself in a very lonely and vulnerable place, walking out of an able-body in an able-bodied world, and into a disabled body in an able-bodied world, my voice became dramatically muted. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span> </span>It was a terrifying reality, for me, having to depend on other people to provide everything I needed and wanted.<span> </span>I had never before depended on anyone for anything, and now, after having three of my limbs amputated; I was entering a physical rehab facility unable even to sit in a wheelchair for more than an hour at a time. My dependency on others was overwhelming, humbling, and left me feeling powerless, and damaged.<span> </span>My voice was becoming weaker with every passing moment, becoming so quiet that it was almost inaudible.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span> </span>I was in a long-term rehabilitation facility.<span> </span>It took me less than 24 hours in that facility to recognize that I was one of the lucky ones. My body was dramatically and permanently altered, but I still had the brain that I entered into this world owning.<span> </span>Many of the other people in this facility had sustained severe traumatic brain injuries. Their situations were far more critical, far more devastating than my own.<span> </span>The desperation and despair in my new “home” was pervasive. <span> </span>And I felt myself slipping under that oppressive and destructive spell—my voice becoming softer with each passing day.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span> </span>I was in my room, watching the nightly news one evening, when a nurse came in to give me my night time medications.<span> </span>As she poured the potpourri of pills into my hand, I noticed that they did not look like the ones I normally took. When I questioned her about the pills, she insisted that these were my pills. “You’re mistaken” she casually said, waiting for me to pop the unknown meds into my mouth and swallow.<span> </span>I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck rise. I was terrified to take these pills not knowing what they were, or what they would do to me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span> </span><span> </span>“Dig deep,” I heard my choir director say, “use your full voice and give me volume!”<span> </span>I shook my head, and adamantly refused to take those pills. <span> </span>I demanded to know the names of each medication. I knew what I was taking, and I knew what every pill entering my body was intended to do. I also knew that these were not my pills. <span> </span>Much to my surprise…and dismay, she could not tell me what the medications were. I told her that I wanted to see the nurse who was in charge.<span> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span> </span>When the new nurse came in, she had my meds—the correct ones, and an apology for the “mistake.”<span> </span>I asked her how many others had been given the wrong medications, knowing that the majority of the patients on my floor would not be able to recognize what medications they were getting. She shrugged, and stated that “they” would sort it out. It left me wondering how many gravely disabled people had been given the wrong medications.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span> </span>The following day, I spoke to my physical therapist about the mistake. He shook his head sadly, and murmured that it probably wasn’t this first time something like this had happened.<span> </span>“What?” Not only was I incredulous but I was furious. <span> </span>I dug deep, and increased my volume, and began to “sing” as loud as I could. I went to the director of nursing and told her about the incident, and I lodged a formal complaint with the chief administrator of the facility.<span> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span> </span>I began my crescendo the night I got the wrong pills. I hit the apex of that crescendo when I signed my name to the formal complaint.<span> </span>It took every ounce of my intestinal fortitude to sing full on the day “Cindy Charlton” was signed on the “dotted line.” I didn’t know if there would be retribution for my actions. When you’re dependent on strangers for your care—inept ones at that, retribution can be a very real threat. Not saying anything, however, and allowing the possible endangerment of others who could not sing at all, was not an option for me. I had to sing and sing loud, regardless of the personal cost.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span> </span>I left rehab several weeks later, a neophyte on my new prosthetic legs, a hook for a right hand, and my voice stronger than ever. My intestinal fortitude was once again well established…maybe even stronger than before. I found that not only could I sing for myself, but I could sing for others who no longer had a voice.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span> </span>Intestinal fortitude is a necessary tool in the survivor’s tool kit. Sometimes, when you are the most fearful and afraid to sing, remember to dig deep and sing full on no matter the consequences.<span> </span>You may shake with the increasing crescendo, but when you get to the height of your voice, you will realize that there is no better gift than to find your own personal power…your intestinal fortitude.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11609262581227109033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-964973257922144159.post-34747382361753103902012-01-14T09:38:00.000-08:002012-01-14T09:50:54.905-08:00<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">Hope</span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">(How Much Do you Have?)</span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #f9cb9c; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"><span style="font-size: large;"> I’ve been thinking about this installment of the Survivor’s Handbook for quite some time. The sheer vastness of the concept of “hope” literally overwhelms me, in spite of being a naturally hopeful person. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> We use the word “hope” in our everyday vernacular, “…hope and dreams,” “…hopeful for; “ we “lend hope,” “give hope,” and both “gain” and “lose hope.” Every great person, from Aristotle to the Dalai Lama, has at least one quote with the word “hope” in it. In fact, thirty-five of our fifty States have at least one town with “hope” as part of the name. </span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"></div><span style="color: orange; font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"><span style="font-size: large;"> I was watching the Denver Bronco/ Pittsburgh Steelers football game today, (yes I’m a huge Bronco’s fan, and was very <i>hopeful </i>for a win.) I heard one of the commentator's talking about the Pittsburgh Steelers’ quarterback, Ben Roethlisberger, playing with an injured ankle. The commentator had asked Roethlisberger if the ankle injury was lessening his hope for a victory. I don’t remember the exact wording of his response, but the gist was that “hope drives away the fear of defeat.”</span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"></div><span style="color: orange; font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"><span style="font-size: large;"> And he’s right! When you have hope, there is no room for fear of defeat—no room for fear period. But one of the best things I have learned about hope over these past fifteen years is that “hope” actually sustains life. </span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"></div><span style="color: orange; font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"><span style="font-size: large;"> After my husband, Michael, was diagnosed with the deadly and extremely rare form of cancer, Adrenal Cortical Carcinoma, we looked up the disease on the internet. What we read was exceedingly bleak and terrifying. Survival of this cancer was non-existent according to the internet information. </span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Michael did not believe, from the get go, that his illness was going to take him down. He had tremendous hope that he would “beat” this vicious disease. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"><span style="font-size: large;"> The oncologist was plain spoken about Michael’s chances of survival. He told us that he knew of one other patient who had lived five years after diagnosis—the magic bench mark of survival in the world of cancer. But this patient’s cancer had been diagnosed at an earlier stage than Michael’s had. When we got the diagnosis, Michael was at stage IV…the last, the deadliest stage.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"><br />
</div><span style="color: orange; font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"><span style="font-size: large;"> After leaving the oncologist’s office with that news, my naturally optimistic and hopeful nature was overrun with despair. I felt as if I was wearing doom as a restrictive and smothering overcoat that I could not shed. Michael, on the other hand, was certain he was going to survive this cancer. He had enough hope for us both.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"><br />
</div><span style="color: orange; font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Michael continued to be filled with hope. He went through toxic rounds of chemotherapy, and radiation therapy. His doctor told us that he was going to throw everything he had in his arsenal at Michael, in the hopes that something would help. The bottom line was that the cancer was rare, and there was no known cure. They didn’t even know how to treat it. But Michael, ever the hopeful, surged on through the devastation of modern medicine, certain that he would be cured.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"><br />
</div><span style="color: orange; font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"><span style="font-size: large;"> “Your health belies what I’m seeing in the CT scans Michael,” the oncologist reported one sunny spring day. “I don’t know how you’re doing it, but whatever you’re doing keep it up.” What Michael was doing was remaining committed to the belief that he would beat the cancer. He was undeniably filled with hope.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"><br />
</div><span style="color: orange; font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"><span style="font-size: large;"> As the year progressed, I could see that Michael was beginning to struggle. Once strong and fit, he began to lose strength in his legs. His complexion was no longer the rich olive tone of his healthier years, and his once beautiful thick black shiny mane was replaced with white and baby fine wisps of hair—the hard-hearted effects of chemo therapy. Nonetheless, He remained as committed as ever to the fact that he was going to survive. He did not give up his hope… although it had changed. Now, uncertain that he would beat this cancer on his own, Michael was hopeful that the medical community would come through for him—that a treatment or cure would be found before he died.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"><br />
</div><span style="color: orange; font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"><span style="font-size: large;"> The last doctor’s appointment we went to was no longer filled with optimistic talk, or shaking of heads in disbelief. It had become obvious, that Michael’s health no longer belied what the oncologist was seeing on film. “You don’t have long Michael,” the doctor said. “You need to go home and tell your children.” Michael lost all hope that day. He died less than a week later.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"><br />
</div><span style="color: orange; font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"><span style="font-size: large;"> I believe that Michael’s hope gave him an extra year with us. He wasn’t ready to give up, to lose his hope. And just like Ben Roethlisberger, Michael’s hope drove away the fear of defeat. We were all—my children, myself, and everyone else who loved Michael, benefactors of Michael’s hope. His sheer refusal to give up on himself gave us all an extra year with him.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"><br />
</div><span style="color: orange; font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"><span style="font-size: large;"> Hope is an essential tool in the Survivor’s tool kit. It drives the bus of determination, and chases away anxiety and defeat. It strips off the overwhelmingly restrictive overcoat of doom, and replaces it with light and freedom. It can be life sustaining and it can even give us the greatest gift we could ever imagine… time with those we love the most.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: orange;"><br />
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Choose Happiness</span></span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #0b5394; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">“If you wait for someone to make you happy, you may not have to wait long. But if you’re waiting for someone to sustain your happiness, you will be waiting a life time.”</span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span><span> </span><span></span><span style="font-size: small;">Cindy Charlton</span></span></span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span><span> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span><span> </span>“Happiness runs in a circular motion…you can be happy if you let yourself be.” These are lyrics to a song I used to sing when I was a child. The tune was simple and easy to harmonize with, which was why I liked it.<span> </span>But as I think about this song, I begin to realize that although the tune is simple, the lyrics are profound.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span>I was working out at the YMCA a few years back. In my shorts and t-shirt, every limb that I have replaced with plastic and metal was hanging out for anyone to see. I was working hard, sweat dripping down my face.<span> </span>I cannot even suggest that I was a vision of loveliness.<span> </span>With my ear buds firmly in place, my head was buzzing with the tunes of Gloria Estefan, Tina Turner, and other Diva’s of the 90’s.<span> </span>Humming along, and pumping iron, I felt incredible!</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span>“Excuse me…excuse me.”</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span><span> </span>I looked up at a man who was obviously trying to get my attention. I thought he was after the machine I was working on, so I replied “I only have one more rep., and then it’s all yours.” He shook his head and gave me a wan smile. Obviously he was not after the Shoulder Press. <span> </span>I was listening to a song which I had heard at least a hundred times over the past 6 months. I was intimately acquainted with it, and I knew the note coming up was one I didn’t want to miss. I pushed the pause on my ipod, and took one bud from my ear.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">“I’m sorry to interrupt,” he began, “but I just have to ask…” </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span>I knew his question before it had the chance to escape his lips…, “What happened to you?” So when he asked a question I didn't expect, I was a bit taken aback.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">“I’ve been watching you for awhile, and I just want to know, why are you so happy?”</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span>“Why am I so happy?” I reiterated, on the verge of incredulity. <span> </span>I have been asked many questions in my life, but no one has ever questioned my happiness.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span><span> </span>I sort of stammered my reply, “Well…why shouldn’t I be?”</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">“It’s pretty obvious that you’ve been through some…some really difficult times.”</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span><span> </span>He had no idea. I had lost my husband to cancer the previous year.<span> </span>And I had lived through my own “death sentence,” sacrificing three limbs and half of my chest in exchange for my life.<span> </span>My story could have taken up the remaining songs on my ipod. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> I sat there, for a moment, collecting my thoughts before I answered. </span>“I’m happy because I’m here on this planet sucking in air, listening to some amazing music, and working my butt off. I know without a doubt how lucky I am to be alive.”<span> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span><span> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">“I wish I had your attitude,” he sighed. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span>We spent the next several minutes talking about life, all it has to offer, all it takes away. He shared some things that were happening in his life, which were difficult at best.<span> </span>At the end of our conversation I told him that even though my path was filled with obstacles, I considered them challenges, not pitfalls. “I’m the person who always finds the silver lining, not the storm cloud that goes along with it.”<span> </span>“I believe,” I said, “it’s all in the choice…how you perceive the obstacles.”</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span>His wan smile turned more into a warm smile. He said “thank you” and walked away. I stuck in my ear bud, un-paused Tina, and together we pumped out the last rep.<span> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span>Happiness has been an emotion which comes quite easily to me…like making up harmonies to songs. It’s second nature. Over the years, however, I have found that happiness is not an easy emotion for many people to feel.<span> </span>I am one of those fortunate souls who came into this world with my “cup half full.” My mom often said that I was born with a glass of champagne in my hand. A celebration always was, and still is, just bubbling beneath the surface, waiting to emerge for any reason.<span> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span>I’m not saying that I’m happy 24/7, especially when circumstances have caused me to lose my balance and fall. Believe me; I have “fallen” many times in my life, and at those times I’ve had to find the one thing to get me back on my feet, giving me something to hold onto—to <span> </span>regain my balance. I have found that it’s my own happiness which not only helps me get up, and re-establish my balance, but it sustains me as I continue to <span> </span>climb over the obstacle to move forward in my life. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span>Happiness is a necessary tool in the Survivor’s tool kit.<span> </span>When despair and difficulty find their way into your life, reaching for your happiness, finding it within yourself, even when times are tough, will allow you freedom from the storm. It allows you clearer brighter vision, so that you’ll be able to see the silver lining, and stay on your feet as you continue to move forward on your path. <span> </span>Happiness really does run in a circular motion, allow it, feel it, allow it, feel it…<span> </span>“you <b><i>can</i></b> be happy if you let yourself be.” <span> </span></span></span></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11609262581227109033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-964973257922144159.post-3907511904059217092011-10-27T11:44:00.000-07:002011-10-27T11:44:48.458-07:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:RelyOnVML/> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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</style> <![endif]--> <div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Gratitude</span></span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span>Gratitude is the antidote to bitterness and resentment.<span> </span></span></span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span>The more light you allow within you,</span></span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span><span> </span>the brighter the world you live in will be. <span> </span></span></span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span><span> </span></span><i><span>Shakti Gawain</span></i><span></span></span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> <span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"> </span></span><span style="color: blue; font-size: large;">I’ve been asked numerous times if I feel angry and bitter about my circumstances. Have I railed at God, or wished that I had not lived? Some people have even suggested that had they been the ones who had contracted my illness, they would not have wanted to live. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span> </span>Honestly, there <i>have</i> been moments when I’ve been angry about my circumstances. If I welcomed everything that has happened to me with open arms, I would either be living in the land of denial, or out and out lying to myself… and everyone else.<span> </span>I am, after all, human.<span> </span>I have felt tremendous loss and devastating sadness over these past fourteen years.<span> </span>But I recognize that if I stay in the darkness of despair, I would never be able to live a full and complete life...a life filled with gratitude.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span> </span><span> </span>I am well centered in my everyday reality. I know what I’m facing when I put my prosthetic legs on before I get out of bed each morning. And there are some days when soreness of my residual limbs or fatigue greets me, even before the prostheses go on. But the knowledge of having another day, being able to get up and face whatever the day holds, trumps the feelings of soreness and fatigue. Recognizing how close I came to not having a life feeds my feelings of gratitude, and enables me to live without bitterness and resentment.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span> </span>When my husband, Michael, was diagnosed with cancer—less than two years after my recovery and rehab—I honestly believed that he would live. Even though the oncologist was not optimistic about Michel’s chances, I felt that I had paid the karmic dues for my family. I was convinced that nothing bad would ever touch my family again. I was certain that Michael would have a positive outcome. <span> </span>But as convinced as I was about his survival, the enormity of my dues paid was still not enough.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span> </span>After Michael died, I wrote a letter to everyone who had supported my family during the last stages of his life and subsequent death. It was undoubtedly the most devastating time of my life, and I was tremendously grateful for the support from family and friends. In my letter, I expressed my gratitude for their love, their presence in my life, and in the lives of my children.<span> </span>I asked my mom to read my letter before I sent it out, wanting her feedback.<span> </span>After reading it she gazed at me, almost in disbelief.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span> </span><span> </span>“After all you’ve lost,” she began, her voice quivering with emotion, “how can you remain so positive?”<span> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span> </span>I shrugged my shoulders, and said “I guess I view it like this Mom. If I only looked at what I’ve lost, I’d never be able to see what I have.”<span> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span> </span><span> </span>I’ll admit it. <span> </span>I am one of “those (annoying) people” who wakes up every morning, grateful for another day. I figure that not only am I lucky to be alive to face my day, but I am lucky to have the choice of how I live each day. <span> </span>If I chose to live surrounded by my losses, how could the light of hope ever come into my being—my soul? I readily choose that antidote to resentment and despair. I choose to see what I have, and feel darned grateful for it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span> </span>Gratitude is a necessary tool in the Survivor’s tool kit. If you aren’t recognizing at least one thing every day, no matter how big or small, to be grateful for, then you’re not allowing the light of gratitude to brighten up your day. Believe me darkness is pervasive and can be devastating. But allowing even the tiniest ray of light into your life can lessen and often times eliminate the feelings of desperation and despair, especially if that “ray” comes in the form of gratitude.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span><span> </span>So if you find yourself feeling like your life is not a great place to be right now, try to find something in which you feel truly grateful.<span> </span>When you begin to realize all that you have to be grateful for, the better your life will become.<span> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
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</style> <![endif]--> <div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">Flying without Wings</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Faith is as simple or complex as you want to make it. It can simply be the belief that you will be here on this planet tomorrow, or it can be a complex belief system involving religion, philosophy, or a mixture of both.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Faith is <span class="st">confidence or trust in a person or thing without having cold hard facts to support that confidence or trust.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span>Regardless of how you define “Faith”, it is necessary to have it, no matter what you’re facing. I have found that faith keeps my feet moving—one in front of the other, always forward, no matter what lies ahead.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have often felt that the fear of the unknown is the most powerful form of fear. We have all heard the old adage, “better the devil you know than the one you don’t.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In other words, don’t move from the situation you’re in because you don’t know what may lay ahead, and it<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> could</i> be worse than what you have going on now. There is certainly comfort in the familiar, but there’s also complacency, boredom, and often times anxiety. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fear can keep you paralyzed even in the worst of situations, but faith, the belief that things <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">could</i> be better can be your antidote.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It allows you the freedom to move, one foot in front of the other. It allows you to accept that no “devil” regardless of your familiarity, is worth knowing. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After being in the hospital for three plus months, the time had come for this baby bird to fly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had recovered, been put back together, and had no illness left to cure. I was ready to begin the new chapter of my life. “Getting out and getting on with it” became my battle cry. But as eager as I was to get into physical rehab, I was scared to death to leave the safety and familiarity of the hospital. I knew all of my nurses, and therapists. I knew what to expect every day and every evening. I even began to look forward to certain “menu” items provided by the hospital cafeteria. Being in the hospital long enough to know that Wednesday was “Lasagna day” was a pretty sad reality. Nonetheless, I still found security in my knowledge of what my everyday looked like.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I began to express my fears about leaving the hospital to one of my nurses one evening. The words cascaded out of my quivering mouth. Everything, every fear that I was feeling did not go unannounced. After listening for several minutes…or more, he said that he had something that might help allay my fears. He would go to his car and get it for me during his break.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He returned to my room a few hours later, and handed me a paper.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I began to read:</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Faith</b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">When we get to the edge of all the light we have,</b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and take that step into the darkness of the unknown, </b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">we must believe that one of two things will happen…</b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">there will be something solid for us to stand on, </b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">or we will be taught how to fly</b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt; line-height: 115%;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anonymous</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That night I began to believe that even though my life had dramatically changed, and that the body I had come into this world owning had been dramatically altered, I actually would be alright.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That night I chose to welcome rehab wholeheartedly no matter what it entailed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I decided that I didn’t want to know this “devil” anymore. I needed to leave the hospital. I also started to recognize that the devil which lay ahead was shrouded in my own self-doubt. And as it turned out, I did know the devil ahead of me. It was simply my own fear. I chose, that night, to embrace my faith, and not allow that “devil” to rule my life, and impede my forward motion.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My nurse gave me something which I had needed for a long time…longer even than my hospital stay. He helped me believe in myself…to regain the faith that I so desperately needed. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He helped me sprout my wings. He helped me believe that I would be taught how to fly.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Faith is an amazing tool to have in your Survivor’s toolbox. If you believe in yourself, the “devil you know,” will no longer be someone or something that you are willing to accept. Faith in yourself provides motion…always forward, especially when you’re unsure of what may be lying ahead of you. Your faith becomes your belief that no matter the circumstances, you will stand on solid ground, or like me, you will be taught how to fly.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">Excavate, Evaluate, Evolve</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><span class="ssens"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;">“To expose, to view by or as if by digging away a covering”</span></i></span><span class="ssens"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i></span><br />
<span class="ssens"><i><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><span> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>“To find the value or worth”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span class="ssens"><i><span style="font-size: 9pt;"><span> </span>“An unfolding process of development or change”</span></i></span><span class="ssens"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span class="ssens"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;"></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; tab-stops: 264.9pt;"><span style="font-size: 9.0pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span class="ssens"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 8.0pt;">Provided by Webster’s Dictionary</span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; tab-stops: 264.9pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; tab-stops: 264.9pt;"><span class="ssens"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How many times in your life have you questioned why you’ve done something, made the choices you’ve made, or ended up in the situation you’re in?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How many times have you considered options along your path? Or have you felt like you had no choices, and that’s why you’ve ended up where you are? How many times have you continued doing the same things the same way even though you keep getting the same results; ones you don’t particularly want or desire?</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; tab-stops: 264.9pt;"><span class="ssens"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If this sounds like you, believe me you are not alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It isn’t easy to be constantly vigilant to every behavior, thought or action you engage in on a daily basis. But if you find that you aren’t getting what you want out of your life, in every aspect, it may be time to <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">excavate</b>, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">evaluate</b>, and <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">evolve</b>.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; tab-stops: 264.9pt;"><span class="ssens"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I came out of my drug induced coma, fourteen years ago, I found myself in a newly altered body. I was alive and obviously victorious over the microscopic battle which had taken place on a physiological battle ground. The bacterial infection lost, but the collateral damage was high. I left my world as I had known it—whole, with no missing parts. I emerged in my new world, un-whole, missing three limbs and the left half of my chest. To say that I was in despair, frightened, and confused would be an understatement. Even though I knew I was going to live, I just didn’t know what that life was going to look like—how I was going to accomplish anything with the ravaged body which was now...mine.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; tab-stops: 264.9pt;"><span class="ssens"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I began the excavation process very early on in my recovery, and started to dig deep within myself to uncover what I needed just to get through each day. What I found first and foremost was gratefulness for having a life, and the willingness to live it despite how it looked. Two enormously helpful tools were uncovered, “gratitude” and “courage”, and they paved the way for my complete recovery—my completeness in an incomplete body.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; tab-stops: 264.9pt;"><span class="ssens"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With gratitude and courage under my belt, I began to evaluate my life—what was I worth and who was going to want me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I told you that the phrase “damaged merchandise” didn’t enter my mind, I’d be lying to you. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But as I began to really take charge of what I had left to manage, and how I was going to manage it, I found strength, and flexibility. I came to understand that the more I tried to force my new situation into my old life I was constantly reminded that I didn’t fit.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><span class="ssens"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; tab-stops: 264.9pt;"><span class="ssens"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I made the choice to quit pining away for a life I no longer fit into, and began to change; to evolve into a new way of living. I had to be strong, both physically and emotionally to embrace my physical changes, and I had to be flexible enough to twist and turn into my new body—to accept my in-completeness as completeness. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; tab-stops: 264.9pt;"><span class="ssens"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I told you that all of this was accomplished within the first 6 months after my recovery, or even the first year, I’d be lying to you. Digging deep inside, considering what I’m made of, and changing my life has been a process. Just as evolution doesn’t happen instantly, self-evolution takes a life time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; tab-stops: 264.9pt;"><span class="ssens"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I constantly dig deep, and excavate those things, those “treasures” that I need to get me through each and every day. And as I evaluate what I have found, more and more choices of where I want to be in my life and how I’m going to get there emerge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once I set my course, I begin the process of unfolding my life, developing my skills, and living my life as a survivor.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; tab-stops: 264.9pt;"><span class="ssens"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you are on the Survivor’s path, you must be willing to <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">excavate</b>—unearth the treasure inside you. You must be willing to <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">evaluate </b>how you are going to use your treasure to get you where you want to go. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And you must be willing to<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> evolve</b>—be ready to change… to unfold and not allow fear to get in the way of your forward motion. Finding the truth of who you are can be a painful process, but living in that truth is amazingly freeing, and gives you strength as well as flexibility. It gives you courage and a feeling of completeness—and that is what being a Survivor is all about.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; tab-stops: 264.9pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; tab-stops: 264.9pt;"><br />
</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11609262581227109033noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-964973257922144159.post-84607351725931468922011-08-30T11:02:00.000-07:002011-08-30T11:02:47.979-07:00<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">The 3 D’s: Dreams, Desire, Determination </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size: small;"><i>“To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.” Anatole France </i> </span></div><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I never equated a dream to a goal until my dream and my goal became one in the same. And I never had a dream that I was so desirous to grab hold of until I felt my life slipping through my fingers. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> My dream was formulated sometime between realizing that I was going to live, surviving a life threatening bacterial infection, and aching to be home. I don’t remember my exact location when my dream began to form. I was in the hospital, and maybe still in the ICU, but I can’t be certain. All I knew was after losing three limbs, half of my chest, and my life, as I had known it; my recovery was going to be long and arduous. But all I could think about-- dream about, was going home to my two little boys and my husband. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> When I got out of the hospital, almost three months to the day from when I was admitted, and on to the physical Rehab facility, I was terrified. I had no feet to stand on; only one hand-- the left hand-- and it was damaged from the illness. I had no idea what it was going to take, or how painful it would be to get back on my brand new soon to be purchased feet. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> I arrived at the rehab facility, and met with my physical therapist, Bob. After doing an evaluation of me, he shook his head. “We have a lot of work to do here.” He explained how my muscles had deteriorated over the past months, while lying in a hospital bed. After asking Bob how long it would take to be able to walk on prostheses, he told me, “That’s entirely up to you, and how hard you’re willing to work.” My fate rested in my own hands. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> I explained to Bob that I had a dream…a goal. “I want to be home by my son’s 5th birthday, July 13th. I want to walk in my door totally unassisted, to help celebrate his life. I want to go home, and re-claim my life!” Bob raised his eyebrows, and shook his head again. “That’s a pretty lofty goal,” he said. “Be prepared to work hard.” </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> My regiment of exercises was brutal. But I hit that rehab gym every day six hours a day (that was all Bob would allow me to stay) working to exhaustion. The stronger I became, the more real my dream became. As I began to believe in myself, I knew I could accomplish my goal. I noticed, while doing my physical therapy, that if I kept my dream at the forefront of my mind, my grueling daily routine didn’t seem that grueling. I also noticed that the closer I came to realizing my dream; my desire actually increased and fueled my determination. My immense desire and unrelenting determination made me unstoppable. All of my hard work paid off. On June 31st I got my first pair of prosthetic legs. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> When I stood for the first time on my new legs, it hurt like I couldn’t believe! But once again, I put my dream in the forefront of my mind, and my desire surged. I took one agonizing step after another, determined not to let my physical pain get in the way of my dream. As time went by, I started to adapt to my new legs. The pain turned into discomfort, and as I was able to wear my prostheses for longer periods of time, the discomfort began to ease. I was becoming more proficient on my new fake feet walking indoors and outdoors. I could even go up and down stairs. Finally, I was ready to go home. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> I walked into my home totally unassisted, realizing a dream that had been set almost six months previous. My accomplishment was great. I had a dream, a plan of action, and belief in myself that I would never quit. And my reward for realizing my dream was my home…my family, and the privilege of reclaiming my life. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>I left my house on February 15th, a victim. I entered my home July 23rd, a survivor. </b> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> When you’re on the Survivor’s path, no dream is too big. No obstacle will deter you if you have that unrelenting desire to accomplish your goal. And as the desire to grab your dream grows, it will fuel your determination and make you unstoppable. So never be afraid to set your goals high—to dream big. </span><br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">A Survivor knows that to believe in a dream is a dream already realized. </span></b>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11609262581227109033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-964973257922144159.post-5173314005348638162011-08-16T11:47:00.000-07:002011-08-16T11:47:21.311-07:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:RelyOnVML/> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/> <w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> <w:Word11KerningPairs/> <w:CachedColBalance/> </w:Compatibility> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
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</style> <![endif]--> <div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Courage</span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">“Weren’t you frightened?” Dorothy asked the Wizard of Oz</span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span> </span>“Frightened? Child, you're talking to a man who's laughed in the face of death,<span> </span>sneered at doom,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"> and chuckled at catastrophe... I was petrified<span>.” </span></span></div><div> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span><span> </span><b><i>From the movie “The Wizard of Oz”</i></b></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span>“Courage” was not a word that used to jump to the fore front of my mind when asked to describe myself.<span> </span>My day to day was unremarkable for the most part. I may have encountered a hiccup now and then, but certainly not something that would involve having to reach inside myself to find the courage that I may or may not have possessed. I never had to laugh in the face of danger, or sneer at doom or even chuckle at catastrophe…until I had to actually deal with catastrophe. And much like the Wizard of Oz, when I did have to deal with more than a hiccup, I was petrified.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span>Fourteen years ago, I found myself not only fighting for my life, but having to learn how to live in the body that I did not come into the world owning. I had been cast in a play I never auditioned for, and didn’t recognize. I didn’t know the lines, or how the story would unfold.<span> </span>The only thing I was certain of was the end…the lead character, me, survived. I found myself living in a body I no longer recognized, and learning how to live in this new body, minus parts, was terrifying.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span>There were days when I didn’t want to work hard on my survival, when I was worn and tired and troubled.<span> </span>How was I ever going to get my life back with three missing limbs, and lying flat on my back in a hospital bed?<span> </span>Coming to terms with that, fully understanding that my life as I knew it had ended, took courage. But <i>embracing</i> my new life, living in a newly disabled body took tremendous courage. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span>I found early on in my recovery that not only did I need courage to adjust to the new me figuring out how to manage this new life, but my husband and my two little boys needed it too. Even at the most difficult and painful times of my recovery, I recognized that it was my courage which was lighting the way for the others around me, and sustaining us all. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span><span> </span>My little son, who was 4 years old at the time of my hospitalization, came to visit me at the hospital at least once a week.<span> </span>Every time he would get ready to leave, he would walk to the threshold of the door. He would turn and look at me.<span> </span>In his little tremulous voice he would ask, “When you comin’ home mom?”<span> </span>Even though I knew the question was coming, each and every time I heard it, it would break my heart.<span> </span>But I’d slap a smile on my face and reply, “soon honey, soon.”<span> </span>It took every ounce of courage I had to put that smile on my face, and reassure my child that his mother would be home once again.<span> </span>It was my courage that kept me from unraveling during those moments.<span> </span>And it was my courage that allowed me to continue to give my child what he needed the most…hope.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span><span> </span>I have found out much about courage over these past years. I have learned that not only do you carry courage within you, but you can lend it to others-- that it builds on itself.<span> </span>As you use courage, the more courage you will have. You may have to dig deep the first time you use courage to face obstacles or challenges in your life, but the more you use your courage the less deep you will have to dig. Pretty soon, you won’t have to dig at all.<span> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span>Courage will be the first tool you grab to get you through your own personal catastrophes, or when you’re cast in a play you didn’t audition for-- when your lines are difficult, challenging, and maybe even foreign. <span> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span>When I am asked to describe myself now, the word “courage” does jump to the forefront of my mind.<span> </span>I have had to go to battle more than once in my life.<span> </span>I have laughed in the face of death, and sneered at doom, and even chuckled at catastrophe. And each and every time, I have been petrified.<span> </span>But I move forward, never being frozen in fear. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span> </span>So, acknowledge the courage inside you even if you have to dig deep.<span> </span>Be willing to accept that you have courage-own it. Continue to use it in everything you do.<span> </span>The day will come when courage is simply a part of who you are. And maybe you will even be able to chuckle at catastrophe. But if you can’t and you’re feeling petrified, your courage will allow you to learn your new lines and not become paralyzed by stage fright. It will help you on your survivor’s journey…always moving forward.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: blue;"><br />
</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11609262581227109033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-964973257922144159.post-48831463532795387122011-07-18T09:17:00.000-07:002011-07-18T09:17:52.865-07:00<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #548dd4; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #8e7cc3;">Blessings</span></span></span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #548dd4; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #8e7cc3;">When I’m worried and I can’t sleep, </span></span></span></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #548dd4; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #8e7cc3;">I count my blessings instead of sheep,</span></span></span></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #548dd4; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #8e7cc3;">and I fall asleep counting my blessings… </span></span></span></i></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #548dd4; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #8e7cc3;">(lyrics by Irving Berlin from the musical “White Christmas”)</span></span></span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #548dd4; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #8e7cc3;">Who knew Irving Berlin was such a wise man?</span></span></span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #548dd4; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; line-height: 200%; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> <span style="color: #8e7cc3;"> </span></span><span style="color: #8e7cc3;">I don’t know about you, but it always seems that whatever I’m worried about wages a sneak attack, delivers a low blow when I’m nestled down, comfy, warm, and secure, in my bed, ready to go to sleep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s at these times when those nagging worries and concerns in my life worm their way into my mind, and demand me to join them in the night time dance of insomnia.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #548dd4; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; line-height: 200%; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #8e7cc3;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s nothing worse than being on the verge of falling to sleep, only to have your eyes pop open with the “what’s” (am I doing with my life?), the “how’s” (am I going to make things work?), and the “when’s” (will things get better?). </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #548dd4; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; line-height: 200%; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #8e7cc3;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I was recovering from the bacterial infection which left me hanging onto my life with the one remaining limb it didn’t destroy, my anxiety level was so high it was off the charts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was literally riddled with the “What’s”,” How’s” and “When’s.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was overwhelming for me to think about what I was going to do with this newly altered body; when was I ever going to get out (of the hospital) and get on with my life; how was I going to regain my life as wife and mother as a newly disabled person…a triple amputee. </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #548dd4; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; line-height: 200%; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #8e7cc3;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To put my mind at ease, I would gaze out of my west facing hospital room window. I had an amazing view of the majestic Rocky Mountains, and every evening I witnessed the sun lowering itself in an orange and red cascade of color into the purple and blue sky.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The beauty of the sunset calmed my soul, and the constancy of that magnificent event; the knowledge that I was once again fortunate enough to witness it, yet another evening, made me realize how truly blessed I was to be alive. Regardless of what was left of me, I could still take in my glorious view…</span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #548dd4; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; line-height: 200%; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #8e7cc3;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After my husband, Michael, died, I wrote a letter of gratitude</span> to <span style="color: #8e7cc3;">all my friends, family, and the benevolent strangers who had offered their support to me and my children through Michael’s battle with cancer, and his loss of that battle...our loss of his life. I showed my mother the letter, asking her for feedback.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After reading my words of appreciation, she looked at me with tears in her eyes and asked, “How can you remain so positive, and feel so blessed after everything you’ve lost?” I shrugged my shoulders and replied, “If I only looked at what I’ve lost, I’d never be able to see all that I have.” </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #548dd4; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; line-height: 200%; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #8e7cc3;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a Survivor, I keep my blessings in clear sight. They improve my attitude, help diminish my grief.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I see them with <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>20/20 clarity. And when my night time worries begin to sneak up, trying to engage me in a slumberless dance, I think about my life —what it means to be a survivor. I acknowledge the fact that I am fortunate to be alive, to have made it through another day. At the close of the day, I get to witness one of nature’s finest no longer from a hospital bed, but standing on my front porch. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I relish in the beauty-- the beauty of the blessing. </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #548dd4; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; line-height: 200%; mso-themecolor: text2; mso-themetint: 153;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #8e7cc3;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tuck in for another night’s sleep, letting go of the “what’s, the “how’s” and the “when’s”. And then I simply take Mr. Berlin’s advice…I count my blessings instead of sheep, and I end up sleeping like a baby. </span></span></span></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11609262581227109033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-964973257922144159.post-39101060101278148452011-07-01T12:17:00.000-07:002011-07-01T12:17:47.424-07:00<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: #e36c0a; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> <span style="background-color: white;"> <span style="color: #0b5394;"> <span style="background-color: white;"> <span style="color: blue;"> </span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="color: #e36c0a; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: blue;">Battle</span> </span></span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #e36c0a; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> <span style="color: blue;"> </span></span></span><span style="color: blue;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I battle every day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of the time, I battle with a worthy and formidable opponent. She can debate like a politician, she’s very clever, and can at times outsmart me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The issues we battle over are stress, self-confidence and motivation-- or lack thereof. We even battle over desert—that is whether to eat it or not!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I often win these battles, but there are days when my opponent (did I mention that she’s me?) gets the upper hand. Those are the days when the self-doubt begins to creep up on me, or I feel like I’m not quite up to snuff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The little voice in the back of my mind begins to second guess my actions, undermining my confidence in the decisions I’ve made.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #e36c0a; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a survivor, I recognize that fighting the good fight, battling the negative is not only necessary, but it demands constant vigilance; especially when I’m battle worn or just plain tired. Those are the times when I’m more vulnerable and end up losing or giving into those negative thoughts. Those are the times when I end up in the land of “stinky thinking.” Whereas quick recognition of that landscape can give me the upper hand, often times I get there even before realizing where I’m headed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve been caught there without a road map and can’t seem to navigate my way out.</span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #e36c0a; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> When</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I find myself traveling through this odiferous place, I know that I cannot stay there and walk the survivor’s path at the same time. So, I’ve found my own personal GPS--the person who can help guide me out of the negativity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And believe me, getting out is necessary to my survival as well as being a survivor.</span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #e36c0a; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was talking on the phone with my sister one evening. She had asked me how my speaking career was going.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was not feeling particularly positive that evening, and began a litany of “W’s”—where was I going with this career? What was I thinking? Who was going to want to hear me speak? Before I knew it self-doubt was oozing out of every pore. “I don’t know why I decided to do this,” I intoned.</span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #e36c0a; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every time my sister tried to insert a positive comment in my self-destructive soliloquy, I countered with two negative ones. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Finally in her best big sister coupled with twenty-five years as an elementary school teacher voice, she said “you need to practice what you preach.”</span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #e36c0a; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;"> “Huh?” She stopped me dead in my whiny tracks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You’re right!” She had interrupted my continual loop of self-doubt, fear, and feelings of not being good enough. How could I have let that negativity sneak into my being?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How could I talk about being a survivor when I was surrounding myself in negative thoughts?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, instead of berating myself (another form of stinky thinking) I cut myself a break. I’m human and no one is immune to negative thinking; we all get stuck in the land of stinky thinking periodically. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #e36c0a; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The good news for me was that I was complaining to the absolute right person. She helped me get back on track—to get back on the horse called “survivor.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have said it before<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">,” no one</b> <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">survives alone.”</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Having someone who will not, under any circumstances, get lost in the land of stinky thinking with you is imperative to your staying true to yourself, to that survivor within you. </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #e36c0a; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So if you’re feeling those tendrils of self-doubt, stress, or lack of motivation trying to wrap around your resolve, or you find yourself in a downward cycle of negativity, call out your inner-warrior. And if you need help in the battle call the person who won’t let you get stuck in the muck of negativity.</span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #e36c0a; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being a survivor means going to battle, utilizing your resources to win that battle, and continuing on the path free from the stench of stinky thinking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #e36c0a; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: accent6; mso-themeshade: 191;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As far as desert goes…can’t help you there. Chocolate almost always wins out at my house!</span></span></span></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11609262581227109033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-964973257922144159.post-84784823542273761632011-06-14T11:32:00.001-07:002011-06-14T11:45:27.837-07:00<div align="center" class="MsoBodyText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #00b0f0;"><span style="font-size: large;">Acceptance</span></span></b></div><div align="center" class="MsoBodyText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #00b0f0;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(How Do You Play Your Hand)</span></span></div><div class="MsoBodyText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #00b0f0; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The word “acceptance” is an emotionally charged word. It comes with all sorts of definitions, concepts, and connotations. If I were being true to the survivor’s journey, this installment of The Survivor’s Handbook would be the last chapter. Because embracing “acceptance” is living life to its fullest, no matter what hand you’ve been dealt. It often takes most of us a lifetime to fully embrace our lives...regardless of what our hand looks like.</span></span></div><div class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #00b0f0; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My dad, whose theme song was Bob Marley’s “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”, often said that you play the hand you’re dealt, and play it as well as you can. “If you fold,” he said, “that’s it. Very rarely do you get a second hand that’s any better.” My father was a mighty fine poker player. He was able to take any hand life dealt him and make it a winner; he seemed to take any circumstance or situation, good or bad, in stride. And at 6’4”, he had a very long stride. </span></span></div><div class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #00b0f0; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The topic of “acceptance” was on the agenda at our amputee support group meeting. We went around the room giving our individual interpretations of what acceptance meant, and how it fit into our lives. The definitions were varied depending on how each of us had come to terms with our own disabilities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the men in our group was very angry with his situation exclaiming vehemently that he would “never accept” what had happened to him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Another person proclaimed that he was “coming to terms” with his amputation, but he was still deeply saddened over the loss of his leg.</span></span></div><div class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #00b0f0; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then the breath of fresh air spoke. Her words lit up the room, and lightened the heaviness that had been draped over all of us. “If someone told me that I could have my leg back if I would give up everything I’ve learned on this journey, I’d say ‘no!’’ Her words reflected everything that I was thinking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She went on to say that her life was full, and that opportunities had “found” her simply because of her amputation. “This has been an incredible journey so far,” she said, “and I wouldn’t change a thing.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #00b0f0; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I feel the same way,” I said. “I’m just happy to be alive, regardless of my fake parts.” I went on to say that my experiences as an amputee had been pretty amazing for the most part, and that I had come to terms with my physical limitations. “And regardless of missing parts,” I said, “I feel whole and complete--complete in the acceptance of who I am.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #00b0f0; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Through the years I have come to understand that there is a continuum of “acceptance”, it is dynamic…there’s movement there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you think about a situation in your life which requires acceptance, you may find yourself on this continuum. If you get stuck in non-acceptance, you may very well find yourself motionless, miserable, and upset with the hand you’ve been dealt. </span></span></div><div class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #00b0f0; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I play the hand I’ve been dealt each and every day. Most days, I do it joyously even when I find myself drawing to an inside straight. Being a survivor means taking the hand you’re dealt, playing your cards, and never folding. </span></span></div><div class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #00b0f0; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Acceptance of yourself, your situation or circumstance, changes your viewpoint of the cards you hold. Whereas you may have thought you’d been dealt a “stinker”, when you accept your cards, you will realize that you’re holding the winning hand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11609262581227109033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-964973257922144159.post-79732577988330484922011-05-31T08:19:00.000-07:002011-05-31T08:19:11.879-07:00<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: blue; font-size: x-large;"><strong>ASK</strong></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: blue;"><strong>(</strong>the hard question--<strong> </strong>await the opportunity)</span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #0033cc; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although there is no such thing as a “stupid question,” there certainly are such things as scary and difficult questions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These are the questions that you really don’t want to ask because you’re afraid of the answers. Believe me, I have asked those questions along my journey of being a survivor, not because I wanted to know the truth at the end of those questions, but because I <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">needed</i></b> to know. I have asked and continue to ask the difficult and scary questions because without the knowledge that the answers bring, I cannot be prepared for the inevitable. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have found that my anxiety level is greatly reduced even when the answer I receive is not the one I want.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #0033cc; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the saddest days of my life came less than a week before my husband, Michael, died.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were at the oncologist’s office, for a regularly scheduled appointment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Michael had been fighting long and hard to survive the cancer he had been diagnosed with twenty months earlier.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it was becoming quickly apparent that the cancer had taken the upper hand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My husband was sliding downhill at a rapid pace. We sat holding hands before the doctor entered the examination room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #0033cc; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was sick with grief, but I knew that our time was limited, and we needed to tell our children that their father was not going to win the battle. “Do you think another type of treatment would work?” Michael’s desperate plea caught me completely off guard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He did not want to give up…he didn’t want to leave me and our two little boys. But I knew by looking at my wasted hollow eyed husband that victory over this war was not ours. And I also knew that nothing we did or could do would work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our children needed and deserved to know the truth, as did Michael…as did I.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #0033cc; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When the doctor entered the room, I could tell by his somber and sad-eyed expression that the results of the latest tests verified what I knew in my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The question loomed large, and I was the one who had to ask it. My voice was shaking with mounting emotion as I asked,”<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">how long does he have?”</b> The answer, “days, maybe a few weeks,” jarred both of us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew we were close, but I thought we had a month maybe more. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #0033cc; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Michael and I were devastated by the rapid decline of his life…we both knew that the end was imminent, but having the medical verification of the limited time actually gave us the gift of time. Armed with the knowledge that it was “now or never,” we utilized every second to its fullest. I was able to share with Michael my most intimate thoughts and feelings-the ones I always held closest to my heart. I told him how his love transformed me, and made me feel whole even when my body was limited and missing parts. I confessed that I was terrified to parent our children alone, in a newly “disabled” body. And I made promises that my disabilities would not hinder our children’s growth or self-esteem…that I would aspire to be the best parent possible.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #0033cc; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were able to share total intimacy in complete honesty. There were no boundaries between us; there was simply truth, and it was beautiful, and lovely and amazingly freeing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Had we not known that his time was so short, we would not have had the opportunity for those incredibly profound moments.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #0033cc; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As you travel along your own journey of being a survivor, you will sometimes come across those times when you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">need</i> to ask the scary or hard question.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Chances are, you already know the answer, but you need to have the verification of that knowledge. And sometimes the parameters surrounding the answer are a bit different than what you think or anticipate. But the bottom line is this; when you ask the question, and get the answer, you then open yourself up to opportunity--regardless of what that answer holds. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #0033cc; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Being a survivor means asking the hard questions, taking the opportunity which arises from the answers, and running with it. And most of the time the scariest and hardest questions of all reap the most incredibly beautiful and life-changing opportunities. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11609262581227109033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-964973257922144159.post-38073226066537235442011-05-14T14:16:00.000-07:002011-05-14T14:16:36.822-07:00<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0033cc; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Angels</span></span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #0033cc; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have thought long and hard about this installment in my survivor’s handbook, not because I haven’t been touched by angels--the ethereal as well as the ones walking the earth—but because I understand that intangibles and beliefs are personal and sometimes difficult for people to grasp. But if I don’t talk about angels, and be honest in my recounting of their life saving efforts, on my behalf, I would not be honest to my endeavor here; which is to provide you with the tools you need to be a survivor. </span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #0033cc; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After a night of grueling pain in my left shoulder, and newly appearing symptoms of nausea and a wicked headache, I thought it was time to make a trip to my local ER. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was diagnosed with a virus which, I was told, settled in a muscle in my shoulder. I left the ER with a prescription for pain killers, and an assurance that I would get better with some rest. I began taking pain killers about every three hours throughout the day, and night, but the relief from my pain was non-existent. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #0033cc; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was sitting in my recliner in my family room downstairs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had been there since the ER visit earlier that morning. As evening approached, I was feeling no better and considered going back to the ER. The thought of trying to get up my stairs to go back seemed impossible, however, given the fact that merely taking a deep breath sent me into spasms of pain. Plus, I truly believed the ER doctor. I thought that if I could get some rest, maybe sleep a little, I would feel better. As evening turned into night, I honestly thought I was beginning to feel a bit better—in actuality, my body was going into shock. The dreaded stairs were still not a consideration, so I asked my husband, Michael, to stay downstairs with me--to sleep in our guest room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It turned out to be a life saving request</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #0033cc; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sometime between Conan O’Brien and the early morning infomercials, I closed my eyes, and was drifting off to sleep when I began to feel pressure on my chest. It felt as if someone was pressing down on me, submerging me under water.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t breathe-- I couldn’t open my eyes. I can’t say that I was panicked at that point, because even though it was a strange experience, the raw, raging persistent pain that had been plaguing me for well over 24 hours seemed to be dissipating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But as my breathing became more labored and shallower, the panic began.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried yelling for help, but I honestly believe no sound escaped my lips. So, exhausted by this effort, I once again closed my eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But “someone” heard my desperate plea.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #0033cc; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A male voice, out of nowhere was hollering in my ear, demanding me to take action.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Cindy! Get out of this chair, or you will die here.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My eyes flew open; I gasped, and was galvanized by this frantic directive. I did not see the owner of the voice, but I knew I had to move and move fast. I somehow got out of the chair and got Michael.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Less than 12 hours later, my husband was told, “If she survives, it will be nothing less than miraculous.” I am left to believe that something saved my life that night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I believe the “something” was an angel. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: #0033cc; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Angels are not always of the supernatural ilk, such as the one that saved me many years ago. They can be the person ahead of you in line at the grocery store, who lets you go ahead of them because your ice cream is beginning to melt. They can be the person who picks you up on the side of a highway delivering you<span style="color: #0b5394;"> </span><span style="color: blue;">s</span></span><span style="color: blue; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">afely into town after your vehicle has stranded you in the middle of nowhere. They can be your best friend, a relative, a professor. Regardless of their actions or how they present themselves in your life, they are always needed, life saving, and life supporting.</span></span></div><span style="font-family: "Calibri", "sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, when you find yourself in unbearable pain, or your ice cream begins to melt, or even if <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>you feel stranded on a highway in the middle of nowhere; look around for a moment and recognize those around you who are ready willing and able to ease your pain, wipe up the drips, or give you a ride into town.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your angel is always there, and willing to help. All you have to do is be willing to ask. </span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11609262581227109033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-964973257922144159.post-9100700785588574192011-04-22T20:45:00.000-07:002011-04-23T12:26:15.295-07:00Altitudinal Attitude<span style="color: blue;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #2b0de1; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My survivor tools included in the Survivor's Handbook are in alphabetical order only to keep order in my own mind. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are all equally important tools to have at the ready for any situation or circumstance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my own journey as a Survivor, I have used each and every tool that will be provided for you in this handbook.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve used all of them more than once; believe me, and some I use daily.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being a Survivor takes dedication to self, and a constant desire to lead a happier and healthier life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, no one survives alone, and that’s why I’m here to help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So take the first step today, and join me along this journey of being a Survivor.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #2b0de1; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My Dad was a pilot of a small aircraft. He loved to fly almost more than he liked to eat. And my Dad <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">loved</i> to eat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He took any opportunity to fly, and my sisters and I were frequent passengers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He even took my Golden Retriever, Rusty, in the plane once. Dad wanted to see how my dog-- his hunting dog-- would handle flying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rusty, scared to the point of shaking off his entire coat, insisted on sitting on my dad’s lap during the flight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would imagine that it’s somewhat difficult piloting a plane with an 80 pound dog in your lap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So the dog stayed home after his maiden voyage, with my Mother who was equally as terrified of flying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #2b0de1; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dad and I were at the local municipal airport one slightly cloudy Spring morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were getting ready to fly over a “piece of land” as my father described it- a 920 Square mile ranch in Northern New Mexico.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was up for sale, and Dad was really interested in seeing it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“No better way to look at a piece of land than from the air” he said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He looked like a little kid who couldn’t wait to get his hands on his new toy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #2b0de1; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As we began our assent, the engine was roaring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We passed through the clouds, bumping along in the turbulence. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we finally got to our cruising altitude, I looked out the window at the clear magnificent blue sky. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt like I was viewing the whole world from that small rectangular window of the plane. All was quiet, all was calm, all was glorious. My spirit soared along with the tan and white Beachcraft Bonanza single engine aircraft. “The world is a beautiful place at 15,000 feet,” Dad proclaimed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His huge grin was spreading across his face indicating that life couldn’t be better than this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had to agree.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #2b0de1; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I think about that day, in the plane with my Dad, often.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pull it out of my memory, when I need to feel the serenity, and quiet, and gloriousness of that moment. When I find myself losing altitude, when my vision clouds up and the turbulence starts bumping me around, I make the choice to rise above the clouds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once I get a clear view of what it is that’s clouding my vision, I am able to see it from a whole new and much clearer perspective. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #2b0de1; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So, when you’re having “one of those days,” you have to make the choice to climb into your “plane,” and rise above the clouds. And you have to look out the window to be able to see the whole picture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you’re stuck in the clouds, the world looks gray and bleak.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The clouds may even be causing rain to fall, drenching you in despair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But getting out of the clouds, raising your altitude level leads to raising your attitude level as well. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="color: #2b0de1; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As you rise through the clouds, look at the beauty that surrounds you. And when you get to your cruising altitude allow yourself to realize that your world really is m</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: black;">ore </span><span style="color: #2b0de1;">beautiful from 15,000 feet.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span></span></span></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11609262581227109033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-964973257922144159.post-60947250633379994092011-04-09T12:08:00.000-07:002011-04-09T12:08:52.416-07:00I survived! And the journey begins.<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have started this blog- <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">The Survivor’s Handbook</b>- because many people have asked me how I manage to live my life as a happy fulfilled person, after having lost so much. I can tell you this...I feel blessed! And I have discovered many resources through my journey, too, which have and continue to be profoundly helpful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I call these resources “<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Survivor’s tools</b>.” This blog is designed to share those tools, and to help you inspire the survivor within.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whether or not you have suffered a traumatic loss, event, or illness, this blog is for you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being a survivor is simply a mindset</strong>-a way of living life to its fullest- with purpose, empowerment, and an unshakable positive attitude. Once you begin on this path, you won’t want to turn back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But no one does it alone, so I’m here to walk with you, as you begin your journey of becoming a survivor. </span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">My story</b> (the beginning of it, anyway)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On February 13 1997, I was delivered a death sentence. I contracted a deadly strep A bacterial infection, commonly known as “the flesh eating bacteria.” The doctors involved with my case did not think I would survive. Within the first 48 hours of my initial symptoms, my breast, all the surrounding tissue and muscle were surgically removed. The left half of my chest was gone- literally stripped down to my rib cage. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">On March 8 1997 both of my legs below the knees, and my right arm, below the elbow, were amputated, all in the effort to save my life. </span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I SURVIVED!!</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I was getting ready to leave the hospital, headed for physical rehab, my doctor came to see me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He asked me what my “goals” were for rehab. I tearfully answered that I just wanted to walk again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He smiled at me, and said, “If that’s all you want, it will be easy. 'Just walking again’ is duck soup!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He told me that once I was vertical (on my knees), he could have me walking in three weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was somewhat skeptical over this ambitious promise, but nonetheless thrilled<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>by the possibility.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Again, he asked me what my rehab goals were.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was confused.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought I had already told him what I wanted to accomplish, and with an emotional proclamation at that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He then explained that rehab is an on-going process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Surviving your illness is just the tip of the ice berg, but learning how to live with the aftermath is what rehab is all about.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">After he left my hospital room, I began contemplating on <em>how</em> I was going to live my life. Up until then, I had been living each day, simply to heal physically from this devastating illness. I had an occasional thought of how difficult life would be once I got home, but I kept putting those thoughts out of my mind. I certainly didn’t want to dwell on them. I didn’t want to face the possibility that I might not be able to do the things that any “normal” wife and mother could do. Frankly, I was scared to think about it. But my doctor laid it right at my doorstep…<em> how</em> was I going to live my life?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was terrified!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I could have worn boots, I would have been shaking in them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I began to take a long hard look at what I was facing. I had help and I had support, but I had to dig deep and find the one thing that I needed most to begin this new journey of my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I began focusing on getting stronger, physically and mentally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And little by little I began my forward progression.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lying flat on my back, with no right hand, and no feet left to stand on, I began the fight. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew that I would battle and battle hard to pick up the pieces, to get home, and create a new life; one that I knew was worth living.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I began a new chapter of my life, that day my rehab doctor came to see me, and I began the journey...the journey of becoming a survivor.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11609262581227109033noreply@blogger.com4